But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize