my mouth tastes like poor choices
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
