some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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