it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
