I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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