you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
