I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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