I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize