the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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