Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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