So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
