fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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