wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize