i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
