Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
