They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
My life is pants optional.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
