I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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