Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
