actually, I'm a sock model
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Someone came in the potted fern
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
