Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
