Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
