I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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