this beer tastes like vomit already
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
