Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
