Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
