literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
