I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
How naked do you want me to be?
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