if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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