Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
