It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
