Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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