two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
