I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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