You just made me feel so damn special
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
