Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
