Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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