I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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