if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
