I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
