Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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