He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
