perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
