I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
