Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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