my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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