Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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