You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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