Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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