First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
