she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
