Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
