I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
