the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
