i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
