Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
