guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
