You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A bitchslap is in order.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
