if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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