I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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