***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
