Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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