Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
