I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
