he puts the penis in happiness.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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