just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
