you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
