oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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