Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
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