i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Mom said you looked used
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
