beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
