I'm gonna have a badass scar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
