the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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