When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
