You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
