my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it's great music for shaving your balls
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
