He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm like, not good at living.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
