drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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