When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
