I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
