The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
