Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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