living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize