Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
