I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
