I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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