evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
