my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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