Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
