yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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