She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
