He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
