I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
