i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
