I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
