Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Jerry, you need to find god
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
