Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I am available for nakedness
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
