Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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