um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
