he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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