Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
